i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
