dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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