After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
