Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
