Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
