party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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