Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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