Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I am puke
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
