he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
