i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
