On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
