Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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