From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
it's like iHOP with fire
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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