ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
