are you still at the devil's house?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
