im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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