My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize