Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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