They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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