He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
