well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
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Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
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IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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