We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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