you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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