I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
two words: eviction party
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
