is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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