Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
