so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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