The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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