I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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