Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
