How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
