hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
