Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
