I CAN MOONWALK!
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
