Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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