she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
