How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
