I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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