I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
