What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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