i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I am naked and annoyed.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?