I got chris browned last night
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
