I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
This Twitter User’s Story About Meeting A Notorious Serial Killer Will Leave You Shook
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
20+ Wholesome Memes You Need In Your Life Right Now
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here