So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
