I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.