You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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