I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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