so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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