i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
