wakey wakey hands off snakey
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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