So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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