Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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