I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
