Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
