So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
