I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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