I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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