just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
