The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
