did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
organizing the empties. That sober.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
