oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
