It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
