I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
you never un-have a 4some
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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