Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
