You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
