i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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