I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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