I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My penis needs a shock collar
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
