I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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