Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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