Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
