If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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