it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
