3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
