Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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