Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
