Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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