thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
