To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
