I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
i out mim tonsoeep
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