It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
