"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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